I Like A Boy . . . Who Just So Happens To Like A Different Boy

A few months back, by chance, I met a guy. A gay guy. And he was nice. And I liked him.

It was all kinds of awesome. Until he told me about his boyfriend.

It's the part of conversations that I truly hate and tend to expect nowadays. At what seems to be my rapidly approaching "middle age," everyone has a past or present. There is always someone to discuss during casual conversation. If I had a nickel for every time I have had to hear about the wives, the girlfriends, the exes, the boyfriends, the partners, the flings, the babysitters, the children, I would have a vast amount of coin.

I'm just gonna say it: I think I'd prefer to be penniless.

It isn't because I'm not happy for them. Quite the opposite. But, at this stage in the game, it just makes me feel a little bit sad. Especially when he's cute. Especially when he's nice. And especially when it seems like he is interested in me, too.

Did I mention that?

Well, he does! He plays it real cool and I actually think for once in my life that I might be playing it cool too. Because he also has become a nice friend. Someone to know, who is gay, who loves the same things I do, and we have a lot to talk about usually. It isn't forced. It is all just nice. And we recently began to flirt on our last time of hanging out.

Which leads me to sit down here and spill my guts in my I Am So Gay blog. Because what couldn't be more relatable to all of us than liking someone.

We all have.

Unrequited.
Or requited.
Or Forbidden. The kind of "Danger! Will Robinson!" forbidden.
Or one sided.

We have all been there. In fact, I have a long history of liking guys who have looked right past me. It all brings me back to high school when I loved, loved, loved Joe. Joe was in the same grade as me. He was tall, and a runner, and smart, and funny, and a little strange. He was great.

He was also straight, which is always an obstacle in any gay romance. So, needless to say, our friendship was only that. But, I liked a boy.

This time, and many boys later, I like a boy who at least bats for my team. Score 1 for me. Unfortunately, he has a boyfriend and lives with him. And they have dogs. So, things were looking pretty grim.  I mean - they have dogs, people! Show over. They might as well have already monogrammed the bathroom towels already.

Flash forward to last Thursday, an old friend of mine came to town. She invited me to an alumni function that her British fashion school was hosting. Since I work in the industry, it could be a good opportunity to network as well as catch up with her.

Aside from being two degrees outside, the night was fun. I looked amazing (he said humbly). I was wearing my vintage navy blazer I scored in Brussels while on vacation, a Scottish looking green plaid shirt, tight dark jeans and cute oxford shoes.

I spent a good 45 minutes talking with someone who eyed me earlier in the night. He was tan, about my height, stylish hair, and looked in decent physical shape. I was on cloud nine. And, at about the 40 minute mark, that was when he went in for the kill. He casually dropped the "my girlfriend" line.

He was lucky I had 2 glasses of wine already.  

I mean, come on! I invested time, you know? This was a networking event for fashion and he is a graphic designer. If I wasn't getting a job out of this, the least I could have gotten was dinner.
Instead, I got a business card and an offer for his help to design my book cover. (Yep, it's happening. I am writing a book! Squeal!)

But whether the graphic designer would happen would be another tale. I found my friend and was ready to leave the event. It was close to ten and my little belly was busting out of my blazer at this point in the night. Cinderella was leaving the ball.

My friend was happily talking with an artist looking type, who slightly resembled a younger Benedict Cumberbatch. Google him now if you don't know him. Besides being handsome, he is also the star of  Sherlock. Which you should go watch on Netflix after reading my blog. You're welcome.

The man she was speaking to was younger than me, but seemed engaged the minute I showed up and he even gave me his business card and wanted to have drinks. In a matter of seconds, with putting no effort or interest at all, I seemingly had a future date. In the brutal cold, the man even walked my friend and I to the subway station. This had some promise.

And it was a surprise.

I have spent the better part of my life looking and being looked past and here was someone who throwing out the digits. And he was French. Which makes the whole thing seems cooler, if you think about it.

While in my heart, I cannot yet say "au revoir" to the boy who has a boyfriend, it is certainly very fun to think about it all. I cannot tell you how many parties or functions I have been at, seen a cute guy, and  - BAM - he's got someone else. Weddings, art galleries, birthday parties, children's playgrounds - nowhere is safe.

Never has it happened with a slight surprise. A possible happy ending to this "fairy" tale. Pardon the slur pun. But I did warm up, walking home on that sub zero night.

Imagine, a boy liked me and I just so happen to maybe like him back.

Now that's "parfait."

2015 . . . This Is Going To Be My Year

As January 2015 is quickly coming to a close, I wanted to take time to quietly (and openly share on a blog!!!) my resolutions that I made for this year. Just to say: I normally do not make "New Year's Resolutions."  I prefer to think I make daily decisions to make my life better instead of just pledging to do so.  I guess my opinion is that resolutions seems like wishing and I would rather just be doing.

But, as the holiday season was approaching, I realized that I was in a bit of a funk and ultimately not very happy. I was going through the motions in a lot of ways and not finding things that made me happy. Which is pretty odd for someone like me.

I am a pretty simple guy when it comes to being happy. I love to go for a run. I love to travel. I love to online shop. I love to be around people I love. These are not hard things to do if you have a little change in your pocket, which I was lucky to have.

Yet, I wasn't doing it in ways that made me happy. Or maybe the normal stuff just wasn't doing it anymore. I had hit a personal wall.

In any event, I decided to shake things up a bit. As the days toward 2015 were approaching, I reflected only to myself about some slightly heavy questions.

What are the things I don't do but could?

What are things I could do and should?

What I decided to tackle were two very simple and realistic things to do.

The first thing was that I needed to make myself a priority. That sounds extremely selfish and vapid. And it is. And I don't care what people think. It's not like we all don't need to do things for ourselves from time to time. What I mean about making myself a priority was that I am living this life. No one else is going to do it for me. So, I need to make sure I eat right, exercise right, and take care of my body better. So, it may sound diva-like to make yourself a priority, but the actuality is that I am merely doing now what all people should be doing for themselves every single day.

These are very small things but I was just really bad at the upkeep. Part of the thing about being single is I don't have a spy in my apartment to nag at me about going for that run or simply to brush my teeth at night. Confession time: I really hate brushing my teeth at night. In many ways, I am seven years old running amok as an actual grown up. I know there are other seven year-old adults out there. Join me, my brothers and sisters! Together, we can have ice cream for dinner!

Wait - no! I am trying to make healthy decisions. So, last night was an exciting home made meatloaf with charred Brussels sprouts over a bed of arugula and spinach. I even recently bought The Performance Paleo Cookbook, which I believe will help me to make better eating at home decisions. Small steps, but the victories for me are the doing and not the wishing.

The second thing I realized was that I needed to go out more. I am the type of person who gets completely overwhelmed by big ideas so I try to break it down and find the small things to do first. "Going out more" in a city of 8 million people is overwhelming. It can literally take me an hour by subway to go essentially 4 miles. With that kind of math, I determined I can run faster than the subway. (Fun fact: I can't run faster than the subway. Did you think I was Superman or something? You did? Awesome!)

But, I digress. In order to "go out more," I did 2 things. I combined my love of online shopping and my desire to see more Broadway shows. Through the great people at Living Social, Groupon and Gilt City, I have seen Cabaret, It's Only A Play, If/Then, Disgraced and On The Town. I saw five Broadway shows in one month! My seats were up high but so was my smile. I didn't and still don't care that I saw it in the cheap seats. The thrill was that I was there.

I also joined a meetup.com group to not only put myself out there in the big city, but also to try to meet a species called Single Gay Men. Unfortunately, the first planned outing of the month was a bowling night and was the same night as one of my plays. Instead, I was able to attend a movie night at a Hell's Kitchen bar, just this past Thursday. Going to something like this was a big deal for me because I am surprisingly shy in large groups of people. Especially when I don't know anyone. Especially when they are "Attractive" and/or "Judgmental."

I went all the way there and almost left. Twice. I pushed through my fears and some people (it was really crowded on the 2nd floor) and made it to movie night. The evening wasn't so bad and, while I'm not suddenly the belle of any ball, it also got me out there and meeting people. I talked to some dudes and watched a movie. Life ain't all bad. Small steps and the victory of doing.

What I have found so far is that I am less "results" oriented and more pleased when I am just doing stuff. Who cares if I ran 3 miles or 5 miles? I ran. Who cares if my Broadway show cost $22 in the nosebleed seat and wasn't center orchestra? I didn't.

I have ideas for what the rest of this year will look like. I want to try rock climbing at Brooklyn Boulders. I will join a gym this year. I will run at least one half marathon this year, Maybe more. Maybe I try a Speed Dating night. Or that drink Mixology night I saw online. I think Living Social and Groupon are playing prominently in a lot of these ideas. And that's fine by me.

All I know is: I super duper love sitting my oversized butt on my couch and watching countless hours of Netflix and Amazon and Hulu and Downton Abbey. So, I really do need this crane sized resolution of getting me to do more. And I finally found that crane inside myself to make it happen.

I encourage everyone to do the same. I am sure Michelle Obama would approve.