Reese Witherspoon is a Brunette??? (the world is over, people)

I'm sorry. I have an issue with you, Reese Witherspoon, and the recent problem I saw in the news.

I can handle the whole "you-got-arrested" thing.

I can even understand when I heard that you asked the arresting officer, "Do you know my name?" I have to admit that I would probably do that, too. If I looked as cute as you and somehow managed to become pretty wealthy as well as landing myself a shiny Oscar, I would walk up to total strangers every single day and scream my name and hand out copies of the latest Entertainment Weekly with my face on it. (My mother would probably join me in said activity.)

You name dropped. You got arrested. It happens. I can get over these facts.

I can NOT, however, get over the fact that you now have brown hair.

I have brown hair. Brown hair is great.

But on you? It's bad. SO BAD.

You were in a movie called Legally Blonde, for crying out loud. Which is hilarious now for two reasons: 1) You were arrested - therein needing legal assistance and 2) you weren't blonde!

But, the most troubling thing is: you just don't look good as a brunette.

I'm sorry! I'm saying this with all the support and love of your toughest girlfriend. Well . . . maybe not your toughest. You were arrested and all, and I have no idea the kinds of "ladies" that are in the Georgia prison system.

But, I am saying this with the sincerest form of love. I have always thought that you were beautiful.

You were down right, cute-as-a-button. Other people can have their Sandra Bullocks. Their Julia Roberts. I'd list other romantic comedy actresses who also won Oscars, but I think this is where the club ends: with you three. (And no, I'm not including people like Diane Keaton because let's face it - no one is like Diane Keaton and no one ever will be. Unless I can get that cloning thing started up again and we will be starting with her. This reminds me: expect a whole blog someday on Diane Keaton. Or a national holiday where we all have to dress up like her. It will be awwwww-some!!!)

I digress. The fact is: I like you. A lot. I watched the film Water for Elephants because I really, really liked the book and - sure, why not! - because of you. Robert Pattinson made me want to scratch out my eyes and ears because bad actors shouldn't be in movies, but I hung in there and watched the movie because of you!

You just seem so nice. And upbeat. And I like that. I want to hang out with that kind of person.

You make unwatchable films: watchable. And yes, I am sadly talking about Legally Blonde 2. And Vanity Fair. And How Do You Know?

And How do I know? Because I watched them all - because of you!

Having said all of this: you can get arrested 100 more times and I will still go see another blah movie like This Means War (as long as you get that adorable Tom Hardy and Chris Pine back).

I will still think of you as a good person, to be honest. I really think in the echelons of the Lindsay Lohans out there in Hollywood, you are probably the Mother Teresa of the acting community.

So, I think the lesson really is this: go back to blonde. It's your calling. It's your destiny. It's also: your best look. And looking best is well . . . best. Right?

If you need any tips: I did a whole blog on my beauty secrets - and well, I think you will really appreciate how I manage to make myself look good. (http://iamsogayblog.blogspot.com/2013/03/my-beauty-regimen-dont-laugh.html)

But, I'm also a natural brunette. And lets just say it. It sure ain't easy bein' me.