Dance, Monkey! Dance!

Some days, it's hard to be perky.

Some days, it's hard to be the person others want you to be.

On those occasions, you just want to throw on the baggiest of tee shirts and your ill-fitting sweatpants and call it a day. But, you can't. Because you need a job. And because it's summer right now. (They don't call 'em sweatpants for nothing!)

So, you force a smile and you put a pep in your step. And it sucks royally.

But, you manage. Because that's what you are supposed to do.

I don't, as a general rule, like to do any of that. I usually am a "say what you feel" type. And it often gets me and my big mouth in trouble. (Look for my new book out this Fall: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People .  .  .  Part Three.)

But, I find that I am able to be genuinely happy a lot of the time because I am always honest with my feelings and what I say. I often don't censor or filter, unless needed. I strive to never say anything hurtful, but if asked how I'm feeling I don't lie and say, "GREAT!"

Having said all of this, I still have those days where I wish I could curl into a big blanket that provides the warmest of hugs. I sincerely think if everyone had a pair of strong arms at home that gave the world's best hugs, there would be less crime, wars, drugs, plagues, and overall frowny faces. People would just be happier with a hug.

It's why we sleep in beds. All that bedding. Multiple pillows. It's a giant, foamy, mattressy hug. "Mattressy" being a word and all.

Unlike my other blog posts, this would be the time where I say I digress and "but my point is."

Today, though, I am not sure I have a point. Just sharing my thoughts. We all gotta dance.

She Works Hard for the Money, said Donna Summer. So hard for it, honey. And that is what brings me to title of this post: "Dance, Monkey! Dance!" Ms. Summer may have the point, after all. People work hard. People trudge along and do errands. And tasks. And meetings. And appointments. And responsibilities. And it's all just . . .  

While we don't have a gun pointed at our feet, the world does spin because people do things they (quite possibly) do not want to do.

And what if we all did what we wanted to do and stopped being dancing monkeys?

What if you just baked all day? Every day? And you shared that with people? And that was your life's work?

That could be pretty neat, right?

It's just a thought. And it's a thought that makes me want to wrap myself up in a duvet and give myself a mattressy hug tonight.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

We all know the song. We all know the lyrics. And the prolific Ms. Lauper would agree.

Some boys take a beautiful girl

And hide her away from the rest of the world

I want to be the one to walk in the sun

Oh girls they want to have fun

Oh girls just want to have fun

And - for me - it's so true.

I recently had a stay-cation in NYC over the July 4th week and I really loved it. I didn't do too much that was overly fancy or special. I went to the beach a lot (yep - Coney Island)! I went every day from Thursday through Sunday. And by being "the one to walk in the sun," I got myself a nice tan.

Earlier in the week, the weather was muggy and hot, but cloudy and rainy and stormy. And grey. Not pretty weather to do things.

Goofy Hydration Deprived Self Pic.

So, I went to the New York Transit Museum by myself, where I took photos of myself in different train cars through the years.

You can see the goofy self-pic. The museum, in a former subway station, is now a historical site. As such, they will not air condition the parts that were once the actual station. The only air conditioned portions of the museum was in the way back, and was basically a movie room and one exhibit.  The rest of the place was pure Summer heat. Needless to say, my face is the result of losing 10 lbs. of sweat. Just look at how skinny my arms look?

(Consequently, I recommend everyone go to this museum in the blissful month of October.)

On any vacation, I like to do something a little vapid - like sun, shopping, drinky-poos. But, I always like to do smart things: educational, historical and special. So, I learned about New York traveling. I've been traveling in style since 1979, but could New York say the same?

Well, I watched a Grand Central short film that inspired me that New York could. However, I will still never forgive the City for demolishing the former Pennsylvania Station and building Madison Square Garden in its place. Look up the photos of Penn Station in the early 1900s and look at pictures of what it looks like in its modern form. Your jaw will drop at the disparity.

My little trip inspired me.

Do things. Little things. Fun things.

Everyone's life can be amazing. Every day can be filled with something special. You just have to find it.

Some days, I splurge . . . on a drink at Starbucks. That is my special thing that day. Wa-hoo! And it cost less than 5 bucks. But for that brief few moments  - where you take that chance to just breathe and smile, talk and laugh, and sip on a drink with a friend - can be absolute magic.

Some days, I do truly splurge on a theater ticket. I am going this Friday to see a new Broadway show called "Date Night." I was going to "Date Night" by myself. I will let the irony sit in for a second.

I can wait.

Now, I have a married couple going with me, too. A married, heterosexual couple. They bought their tickets later, so I will still be sitting alone. At "Date Night."

But, it's fun. And I didn't actually splurge (code: spend much). I got the ticket on sale at Living Social, with an extra 20% off coupon code. Did I mention I used ebates.com to get some cash back?

http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=M5W50P93x%2FIypJry1Er1Xg%3D%3D

Online shopping is awesome!!

I digress. My point is: I strive to enjoy my life every single day. A few years ago, I made this pledge to myself to find joy every, single day. And most days, I do.

The trick is, though, that you have to remind yourself to do it.

On a particularly stressful work day, I ran out of the office to go to a gallery I had seen on the Today show. For the cost of ZERO dollars, I looked at some paintings of Snoopy by Tom Everhart. And they were awesome, and suddenly - so was my day.

It's just about finding your simple pleasures. Some people find their happiness in food, in drugs, in drink. And while I do like my win-o, I challenge people to find the joy in a beach trip, in a museum, in a an afternoon with an iced coffee with a friend. Or in my case, in all 3. But, don't forget about "Date Night."

Because "Date Night" with my straight homies is gonna be awesome!

Dear George Clooney,

I heard today that you are single. 

I heard that you were dumped. 

The thought alone makes me tingle. 

So, date me please. I'm starting to feel rather pumped.  

Now, I know what you are thinking. The above poem isn't the most eloquent of mine, but I think it has a certain quality.

You see, George, I know that life hasn't been easy for you. You had to really work it to make it to where you are today. You had to act in movies like Batman and Robin. That place in Italy wasn't going to pay for itself.

So, naturally, you had to date all these young little ladies. You needed some arm candy to take to the awards shows. I get it. Plus, it has been good PR for you to seem so elusive. It definitely helped you exude that romantic leading man quality in films like One Fine Day. 

But, it's your time now. You can stop wasting it with those other women.

Two of them have been on Dancing with the Stars, for god's sakes!

It's time to shake things up. Get a little classy. Get a little brave.

Start dating me.

I've been right here this whole time.

And I absolutely love Italy.

Better still, I have ZERO interest in being on Dancing with the Stars. I can't dance. Plus, I would be too competitive and probably step on Cloris Leachman's feet if she started stealing my spotlight.

Just think about it.

You've given this whole mysterious, can't-tie-me-down image a good run. Now, it's time for something new. It's not like I am asking you to make another Ocean's Twelve or anything. That would be crazy.

Do something easy. Just date a dude.

The time is now.

I'm here waiting by the phone. . . call me! (sigh!)

I'm a Coney Island Baby

Some New Yorkers like the glitz of a fancy pool at the Gansevoort Hotel. Some may even like the splash of a chair at the Soho House. At these posh pools in the city, you get sun, shade, and supermodel bodies. The staff will bring you drinks while you're stirred or perhaps shaken among the rich and richer.

As for me, I prefer the quick jaunt on the glamorous F line train - all the way to the beach. Coney Island's beach, to be specific.

Sure, I have no wait staff bringing me drinks. Instead, I bring a thermos of wine. Because I'm classy like that. And frankly speaking, I wouldn't have it any other way.

My legs: the other white meat. 

Sure, there are no supermodel bodies. Well . . . occasionally there are some fit studs walking around. But, I definitely feel like the hottest guy on the beach some time. I have no six pack and neither do they. So, I feel pretty confident on my beach days. In fact, I feel downright sexy.

I mean: just look at my picture! Definitely the hottest legs this side of the Mississippi, am I right? Well, that's all me, baby. And those Coney Island legs aren't just for show!

No! Those gams are also used to walk the fabulous boardwalk. It's like a step into the past in some ways. There is a carnival element - complete with an amusement park, an actual freak show, and even a vintage wooden roller coaster, the Cyclone, which is now a national landmark!

There are nods to the Vintage old-timey Coney Island everywhere. It's just a feeling in the air.

There are Nathan's Hot Dogs. There is a minor league baseball team called . . . you guessed it: the Brooklyn Cyclones!

Sandy? Your name should be more like Grabby!

Here is a photo of myself with their mascot, Sandy the Seagull.

And yes, you'd be right. I am pretty sure he was flirting with me, too.

Don't let the semi-calm look on my face deceive you.
I was scared for me bleepin' life! 

And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Wonder Wheel: the world's scariest ride ever. If you happen to be afraid of heights. Which I am. As evidenced, by this picture of me on the ride. You can get a swinging bird cage if you prefer, or a non-swinging. I chose a non-swinging and proceeded to death grip the bench as if that helped alleviate the problem of being suspended in air. No doubt, I have very sharp survival skills.

It's pretty, right? Don't be fooled. You can see Texas from the top of it. 

Needless to say, Coney Island is all very fun. There is literally WONDER to it all, and not just in its Wheels.

The people spectating sport alone is worth the adventure. I won't show pictures as that would be mean, but there are characters on this boardwalk, let's just say that.

Last summer, I fondly named my Eastern European middle aged bartender, Surly. She was surly towards all of her customers in a way but, I believe that with time, she came to tolerate me and my love of her frozen alcoholic drinks. Alas, the bar where she worked, Cha Cha's, was a victim to her Hurricane Sandy last year and it has since closed for good as a result. It had been a Coney Island staple and now, like so many others before, it is a Coney Island legend of the past and not the present.

And while I have found one establishment on the boardwalk serving frozen margaritas, the loss of Cha Cha's has taught me that this is an area to cherish. There is magic here. There is beach. There is baseball. There is booze. What isn't to love and hold on to for dear life? Imagine yourself on the Wonder Wheel with me and grab on.

So, my friends - the others can have their Hamptons or what have them. As for me, I'm just a Coney Island baby.


Who wouldn't be, I ask you, after seeing a view like this?