Dear George Clooney,

I heard today that you are single. 

I heard that you were dumped. 

The thought alone makes me tingle. 

So, date me please. I'm starting to feel rather pumped.  

Now, I know what you are thinking. The above poem isn't the most eloquent of mine, but I think it has a certain quality.

You see, George, I know that life hasn't been easy for you. You had to really work it to make it to where you are today. You had to act in movies like Batman and Robin. That place in Italy wasn't going to pay for itself.

So, naturally, you had to date all these young little ladies. You needed some arm candy to take to the awards shows. I get it. Plus, it has been good PR for you to seem so elusive. It definitely helped you exude that romantic leading man quality in films like One Fine Day. 

But, it's your time now. You can stop wasting it with those other women.

Two of them have been on Dancing with the Stars, for god's sakes!

It's time to shake things up. Get a little classy. Get a little brave.

Start dating me.

I've been right here this whole time.

And I absolutely love Italy.

Better still, I have ZERO interest in being on Dancing with the Stars. I can't dance. Plus, I would be too competitive and probably step on Cloris Leachman's feet if she started stealing my spotlight.

Just think about it.

You've given this whole mysterious, can't-tie-me-down image a good run. Now, it's time for something new. It's not like I am asking you to make another Ocean's Twelve or anything. That would be crazy.

Do something easy. Just date a dude.

The time is now.

I'm here waiting by the phone. . . call me! (sigh!)