I'm a Coney Island Baby

Some New Yorkers like the glitz of a fancy pool at the Gansevoort Hotel. Some may even like the splash of a chair at the Soho House. At these posh pools in the city, you get sun, shade, and supermodel bodies. The staff will bring you drinks while you're stirred or perhaps shaken among the rich and richer.

As for me, I prefer the quick jaunt on the glamorous F line train - all the way to the beach. Coney Island's beach, to be specific.

Sure, I have no wait staff bringing me drinks. Instead, I bring a thermos of wine. Because I'm classy like that. And frankly speaking, I wouldn't have it any other way.

My legs: the other white meat. 

Sure, there are no supermodel bodies. Well . . . occasionally there are some fit studs walking around. But, I definitely feel like the hottest guy on the beach some time. I have no six pack and neither do they. So, I feel pretty confident on my beach days. In fact, I feel downright sexy.

I mean: just look at my picture! Definitely the hottest legs this side of the Mississippi, am I right? Well, that's all me, baby. And those Coney Island legs aren't just for show!

No! Those gams are also used to walk the fabulous boardwalk. It's like a step into the past in some ways. There is a carnival element - complete with an amusement park, an actual freak show, and even a vintage wooden roller coaster, the Cyclone, which is now a national landmark!

There are nods to the Vintage old-timey Coney Island everywhere. It's just a feeling in the air.

There are Nathan's Hot Dogs. There is a minor league baseball team called . . . you guessed it: the Brooklyn Cyclones!

Sandy? Your name should be more like Grabby!

Here is a photo of myself with their mascot, Sandy the Seagull.

And yes, you'd be right. I am pretty sure he was flirting with me, too.

Don't let the semi-calm look on my face deceive you.
I was scared for me bleepin' life! 

And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Wonder Wheel: the world's scariest ride ever. If you happen to be afraid of heights. Which I am. As evidenced, by this picture of me on the ride. You can get a swinging bird cage if you prefer, or a non-swinging. I chose a non-swinging and proceeded to death grip the bench as if that helped alleviate the problem of being suspended in air. No doubt, I have very sharp survival skills.

It's pretty, right? Don't be fooled. You can see Texas from the top of it. 

Needless to say, Coney Island is all very fun. There is literally WONDER to it all, and not just in its Wheels.

The people spectating sport alone is worth the adventure. I won't show pictures as that would be mean, but there are characters on this boardwalk, let's just say that.

Last summer, I fondly named my Eastern European middle aged bartender, Surly. She was surly towards all of her customers in a way but, I believe that with time, she came to tolerate me and my love of her frozen alcoholic drinks. Alas, the bar where she worked, Cha Cha's, was a victim to her Hurricane Sandy last year and it has since closed for good as a result. It had been a Coney Island staple and now, like so many others before, it is a Coney Island legend of the past and not the present.

And while I have found one establishment on the boardwalk serving frozen margaritas, the loss of Cha Cha's has taught me that this is an area to cherish. There is magic here. There is beach. There is baseball. There is booze. What isn't to love and hold on to for dear life? Imagine yourself on the Wonder Wheel with me and grab on.

So, my friends - the others can have their Hamptons or what have them. As for me, I'm just a Coney Island baby.


Who wouldn't be, I ask you, after seeing a view like this?