But, now I jump down the stairs of the subway and bounce onto the platform, just as a train comes right up to greet me - of course. And I will happily be on time for work. Nothing could be better.
Except, just as I enter through the doors, I see a cute guy. I mean ... a CUTE guy! I think ... maybe this day CAN get better. He's in a suit, too! Good hair cut, clean shaven but with a bit of stubble, and he is tall. Yes, check, check, check. And the best part? I LOOK AMAZING TODAY. So, I glance up and smile. He looks distant, sadly. I look up and down. Did I miss spotting anything? And wouldn't you know.... a wedding ring!
A wedding ring is like a 1970s game show and the "Whammy" pops up or it's Family Feud and the big, obnoxious "X" buzzes loudly in my ear.
DAMN IT!!
It always feels like strike one at a baseball game. How many strikes are there? THREE? Well, there have been more three strikes at my little game!
The fact of the matter is: if you are male, and I am attracted to you - there are two things you can count on. You are straight and you are married. Just my luck.
Now ... the part that really gets me - is the unattractive ones. They are young, overweight, sloppy and smelly. And they have a frakkin' wedding ring. And there are numerous amounts of these guys! "What the bloody hell?," I say in my best Charles Dickens voice.
Now, if you have been the avid follower of the blog (and I know you are), you clearly know that I'm cute. I mean ... you've seen my pics. I'm down right adorable. I even hold up cuter babies to show just how adorable I can be. (Baby A in this picture is far cuter than me, not to mention he has blue eyes and softer skin than me. But... I CAN EAT SOLID FOODS and more importantly DRINK WINE - so ha! See, I'm just as cuddly, too!)
Plus - I am rocking aqua and purple gingham. Again - adorable!
I am far cuter than the smelly, young slobs on the subway who have a ball and chain at home. So ... what's the deal? Charles Dickens accent aside, "What have I done wrong, Mum?" Oh blast, that foul accent has come around again!
Based on these guys, I would say she married him for the money. My detective instincts kick in, though, and based on their clothes, I'd say there was very little money to be had or every day was a Salvation Army spending spree. (God, aren't we judgmental?! And by "we," I really mean - you!)
Yes! You have to get serious for a second. One must wonder what is my deal. And by deal, I don't mean I am 19.99 plus tax. I am far more expensive.
The "deal" is: I am fine with being single in some sense. As much as I would love to have subway suit guy sweep me off my feet, I am in many ways, the girl who can turn the world on with her smile.
Subway suit guy,who for the sake of the blog we will call Prince Harry, will have to wait! Because love IS all around. No need to waste it. I can have the town, and I will take it. I might just make it after all. (If you never watched Nick at Nite, you are lost at sea with what I just wrote for you.) Yes, Mary Tyler Moore!
Even her "less attractive" friend, Rhoda, got married, but Mary stayed single. (I think Valerie Harper was very attractive, but this was TV so you went along with the deprecating jokes) The point is: I am Mary Richards. While I don't work in a newsroom, but I have stayed single.
And I have been single long enough that I really am fine on my own. If I was married at 19, it would have been good. I was lost in my 20s. I didn't know how to do anything. I didn't even know to pay taxes or fix things or kill a gross, icky bug.
But I learned. I became independent. I learned how to live mostly on my own. I moved away from my family completely when I was 23. I drove to Virginia in my Honda Civic EX with everything I thought I needed and had an apartment with an old friend waiting for me. I hadn't even seen the place I was moving to, and I drove to a place I didn't know. (This was the day before the iPhone Map App, so one could easily get lost!)
I started an adventure that was in many ways similar to the real theme song of that old TV show. She also packed up her car and drove off to a new home. I am still doing the journey that Mary began. That first move taught me lessons that have carried me well.
I have learned slowly to depend on myself only, trust my instincts, listen to my voice, and especially be my own best friend. I learned to comfort myself, and not need someone's hand. It's hard. I won't lie. And it's lonely. But if my comfort was a wedding ring. I may feel shackled and not in the way I want to one day embrace. Because now, I do like depending on myself. Some days, it would be nice to have that crutch. I don't have it, and I do it all on my own.
So who cares about wedding rings!?! SCREW THEM (not literally, you dirty bird!)
At the end of any day, it's my smile that can turn my world on. And I WILL just make it ... after all.
Love,
Mary
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